Days Forty-Two to Forty-Four: 12/18/2020 to 12/20/2020 Through the Woods

 

After a break on 12/17/20 came Days 42 to 44:  Thursday was rough.  The morning started with unpacking the car insurance deemed totaled.  Then there was the unexpected call that Ming's ashes had arrived.  Oh the tears fell; it felt like losing him all over again.  On Friday my friend Leslie brought over some other needles that I tried however the eyes of both needles were still too large to fit through the smallest beads.  Thankfully Saturday I got a bead kit with several tools including the right needles; the day was spent running errands and catching up on work so I didn't get to stringing any paper cranes. However I've been writing in preparation for another blog post for my private practice which morphed into a second writing that was polished to share with a group today.  All of this during this journey to 1000 paper cranes and so I've decided this one, will go here.  

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Through the Woods

Over the hill & through the woods... It feels like 2020 brought us some new different sort of woods that we were unaware & unprepared for. The climate has been unpredictable..frightening...forceful… it could put us in awe.

The twists & turns... we're unsure of the stops... the lights are both red & green. Our hearts beat faster, our anxiety higher, the loneliness more apparent. The changes….. in finances, jobs, schools, businesses, dots on floors, plexiglass up, wash, wash, wash your hands, sanitizing, signs of new hours adjusted, new hours worked, lay offs, hunger…And still more change as we Zoom; commute through our homes... if we are blessed to have a home & the technology to do so.  

And still….we age….grow….live.  

We now may stop to consider the ramifications of giving and receiving a hug, a handshake. Our faces are covered so the baby can't see our smile….the stranger behind the mask.

There are so many firsts….haven’t those generally been a good thing, a goal to work towards? How many days has it been since I saw a movie in a theater, watched a live in person performance, played soccer, or planned a trip that included an airplane?

Somehow it seems like a break up we didn't see coming. I didn’t know that was going to be the last kiss, the last day I would walk into school, the last day of not thinking about... 6... feet.  

The list of to dos before I leave my home…..mask, hands washed, sanitizer, temperature checked…..and the question... do I really need to leave?  Is this worth the risk?

With all the pain, sorrow & grief...the grief of not attending a memorial, a graduation, a wedding, the grief of not getting to be with family or friends at all or…. the same way. People are dying alone... more than ever before.

And still….. there's light, the unexpected. A vaccine becoming available at a pivotal time, new leaders preparing to take hold of their part of the reigns, past leaders teaching us tales we can learn from. Perspectives have changed, some things can no longer be taken for granted. 

And still…... we are human. Flawed, beautiful, unique beings living amongst one another. Trying to turn on the flashlights in the darkness, to show one another…...that despite distance, despair, sorrow, conflict, war, and trauma…..that there's still the genuine, kind gesture. A laugh, a masked smile and joy in a moment to share if only brief…..

It lights up a day.

~Jasmine Rose Penter 12/20/2020